Archive for December, 2011

And now to begin…

Posted in Uncategorized on December 15, 2011 by morrdin

We are called evil by the slaves of that dried up order. The Light Side of the Force, they say, is the only thing that we should concern ourselves with. The Dark Side corrupts, it lies, it will enslave your soul. If this is true the Jedi Order is a very dark cess pool indeed. Darkness fills them subtly every time they insist on repressing what Nature has given them and continuing to lie to themselves. They quake in the presence of passion, they are terrified of love…for these things, they say, are doorways through which the dark side enters. Pah! I will feel passion…I will hate and I will love with impunity! I will hunger and I will lust!

The dark side of the force, they say, infused the blood of my ancestors just as it shaped the other life forms of Korriban. I feel it flow through my veins. It excites! It hardens! It brings strength to my limbs and resolve to my spirit. It frees me from all limitation!

Yes, I will be free in my actions and my enemies will witness my wrath! And should any choose to thwart my way, to interfere in the free exercise of my will, they will feel the red sting of my lightsaber. This includes those who would chastise me for showing mercy when I am moved to do so. Some would accuse me of letting in the weakness, the softness, of the light…rather it is they who are blinded by thoughtless, animal viciousness…they are the antithesis of the thinking, ordered, self-determined Sith. I embrace Nature in all Her beauty and brutality, if I feel compassion and extend mercy I see it as nothing more than the will of nature moving through me. Not even the emperor can thwart the will of Nature…and what is this mighty Empire against the expanses of time and space? It is dust and is as finite as the Infinite Empire of millenia ago.

If a little light shines within me, all the better, for the points of light that fill the arching darkness of space could hardly hope to consume that superior darkness. The light, no matter how small, lends its beauty to the Dark which is its Lord and Master. No, I do not strive for the Light Side of the Force, but neither will I allow it to be shut entirely from my existence. Never will I bring needless suffering like some of the more sadistic members who consider themselves to be Sith. I will face nightmares and monsters and tyrants with a smile and blood will further redden my scarlet skin, but never will I bring harm to children, never will I gain satisfaction from the destruction of people that the more arrogant, and frankly insane, among my brethren consider to be “weak”.

This I declare: I shall fight for the Empire, for the sake of the order it brings, but I will also fight the corruption within the ranks that builds nothing but twisted egos for there is truly no greater weakness within the Empire than the madness that stems from the deluded belief that one has mastered the Force; I shall fight against the old Jedi order, that strives so hard for the Light while denying the beauty and brutality that is every sentient’s birthright–to live honestly in the natural order, to love, to hate, to take, to give, and the wise and those strong in the Force shall embrace these words–

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me.

The Vornskr Pup

Posted in Uncategorized on December 13, 2011 by morrdin

I brought shame and dishonour to my family very early in my life. I’ll never forget the look of disgust on my father’s face when I refused to bring down a youngling vornskr with nothing but a vibro-knife and my own wits. The creature was frightened, even in my boyhood naivete I knew that this creature was no match for me,  but this was to be no mere show of force nor feat of strength; this was to be a lesson in which I learned to draw on the fear of another. Fear and hatred were to be part of my passage from boy to youth. Many of my relatives and a few of my boyhood friends cheered me on from the stands of the small arena.

The vornskr, I could tell, hungered greatly…its mouth slathering as it sensed the Force within me. I lunged forward a few times drawing cries of encouragement from the stands. The creature did its best to put up some kind of a fight, it lunged half-heartedly, but pulled back. We circled round eachother. I tried to follow the advice of my father, to draw on my hatred to grow stronger, more resilient. I knew that I was doing this to bring pride to my father and I knew, deep down, that the desire to have his approval paled compared to this other growing feeling within me. Many of my kindred called it the poisonous influence of the Light Side of the Force…I have, of course, since learned that what I felt growing in me was compassion. I felt for this creature…this young being that was simply trying to live. I saw the uniqueness of this being and I saw no point in ending its existence. Something came over me and I faltered. It was the first time I learned to never lower my guard for as I lowered my blade and looked up into the stands, my eyes resting on the enraged, yelling face of my father, I felt a sudden searing then numbing pain in my off-hand. The vornskr’s whip-like tail that ended in a bushel of venomous barbs had whipped out and stung me. In a sudden wave of rage I lunged forward and stabbed at the creature’s shoulder it was a superficial wound but painful enough to make the vornskr howl and crawl back, it’s venomous tail between its legs. It cowered against the high wall and covered its head with its paws. All that I saw of that creature was a scared pup that in no way was deserving of the torment that I myself was being forced to inflict upon it. I wonder now what that pup would have seen as I dropped the knife, and toppled backward made paralyzed and unconscious by the cold spreading venom.

I awoke in my bed, every nerve was on fire. It was painful to breathe. This physical pain was to be overshadowed by the pain I was about to experience. I remember getting up to my elbows and seeing on my blanket covered belly my vibro-knife covered in blood. I looked from it to the figure sitting at the foot of my bed. My father sat there with his bloodied hands clasped before his chin. “You have failed me,” he said, his yellow eyes burning as I’d never seen them burn before, “and you have insulted the ancient Sith blood that flows through your veins; it stinks now like the blood of that weak, pathetic creature. I finished the job that you could not.” My father got up and left my room, taking with him any chance I had of holding a place of respect within my family–that day I also lost my friends. After many years of trying, I failed to regain the respect of my father, but it matters little to me now. I have kept that vibro-knife, still encrusted with the vornskr pup’s blood, as a reminder that I am free to choose any action. My hand has been stayed many times since that day…but many more have fallen: those that choose to attack me also choose their own death.

Slave Friend

Posted in Uncategorized on December 12, 2011 by morrdin

As I stand at the foot of the Citadel and look out at the stunning spires of Kaas City I am reminded that much of what the Empire enjoys and takes pride in has taken the hands of many slaves to build. This is something we Sith take for granted. The slaves fit a function in the natural order: they have proven themselves fit only for manual labour, to build and maintain our cities and settlements, to handle hazardous materials, to keep clean our homes, to mind our children, and to see to our…more base needs. My attitude toward slaves is something quite different compared to the attitudes of my peers.

Following the incident with the vornskr pup I found myself mostly shunned by friends and family. It is a wonder to me that I was not entirely turned out from my father’s house…I may have the pleas and promptings of my mother to thank for that. I could see that my failure stung her the most for she continued to love me inspite of my failings. It was from her that I learned that love cannot so easily succumb to the leanings of broader society. Any loneliness that I felt could only be assuaged by playing with the children of household slaves. These children were required to work just as their parents were, though the work they did was not particularly skilled or physically challenging or dangerous. I thought it interesting that slave families were allowed to remain together; when I saw that it encouraged a certain order and when there was the possibility of using a slave’s family members as “leverage” should they ever get notions of attaining their freedom the reasons for allowing their families to stay together became clearer.

As is the way with children of all sentient species very often the immersion of play has a way of dissolving class and racial barriers. I did at first find myself playing the role of “Sith Master” in those first play sessions. My playmates were a human girl named Kaz and a Twi’lek boy named Sten. They were understandably shy and very reserved around me and I’m sure that my superior attitude was quite intimidating at first. After some time though we became more familiar with eachother and I eventually found myself engrossed by the heart to heart conversations they would often have between bouts of climbing trees to build forts or kicking around Dromund Kaas “glow balls”. How easily I found myself in the position of awkward one when they started asking me about my feelings and what I thought about this or that.

I spent many years with these friends of mine, never letting on how much I cared for them, for my position was to be one of superiority in the eyes of my elders; even if my superiors and peers did view me with disdain they still felt that my station was higher than that of slaves. In fact it became a joke amongst my friends to be all “Master and servant” when adults were around and something much more free when they weren’t.

It was with great pain that we were eventually separated. My father, in another fit of disappointed rage upon learning of the true nature of my friendship (he walked in on us sharing laughter when we were teenagers) denied my request to keep “my slaves”. He sold my friends into hard labour (which broke my heart as-well-as those of their family members)and sent me to a very strict “cadet” camp that focused on training “willful” types into becoming Sith Warriors. I learned then to hide my true feelings, to lie if need be, and I learned to truly hate my father…a hatred that helped me survive that camp and inspires much greatness in me today.

I will now treat my own “slaves” and those of others as they wish to be treated for some truly are disturbed by the notion of not being in a position of subservience while others have a more free spirit. I will not let this side of me show, but I will lie about my true feelings in front of my “superiors”. I dedicate myself to the search for my childhood friends and I swear to buy their freedom either with credits or with my lightsaber…I hope that they are indeed still alive.

I do love this dark city, I love the rain that pours down on it and I love the lightening that powers it…and I remember that some slaves like the Twi’lek female who has come to “watch my back” are also deserving of love.

My Destiny…

Posted in Uncategorized on December 11, 2011 by morrdin

I had very mixed emotions during my time at the camp that I was sent to by my father. I was sad, I missed my friends and I knew that my imperfect childhood was culminating in a very imperfect adolescence. Our camp leader was a merciless man…a once great Sith warrior who bore the scars of many battles and who now accepted money from the more well-to-do parents of troublesome, unfocused youths. The work was well beneath him, but the money was not. He was far too advanced in age to be of much use on the battle field but his considerable experience, his very obvious skill, and his still impressive Force abilities made him a great teacher. I hated him from the moment I laid eyes on him…I do not think that the hatred was mutual but I do know that he felt some kind of pleasure knowing that he inspired such powerful emotion in someone “touched by softness” as my father was sure to let him know I was.

I made no friends at this camp. In fact I got a glimpse at the sneering, derisive, back-stabbing attitudes that I would find in the Sith Academy on Korriban. This time helped steel me for my time on Korriban. Funny now that that old Warrior no longer inspires hatred in me…I have to thank him, especially for that one event that set me on my path to becoming a Force using Warrior myself:

We worked hard every day doing drills. Our training included much work in various martial forms. We received personal training from the camp leader only on occasion…most of the time it was up to those who were nearing entrance into the Academy who did the teaching, they were no less merciless than the camp leader himself. On occasion, the camp leader would step in and spar with the more “promising” students. This was always met by the student facing the challenge with a mixture of pride and dread. That was certainly the case for me the day I was singled out.

“You! Morddin! Come here!” he barked at me. I was taken aback…he couldn’t possibly be talking to me. Truth be told, I had no great love for these exercises. I found them to be uninspiring at best. “Come here you lazy sack of kath hound shit! I think you could use an attitude adjustment!”

I didn’t quite know what he meant by this…it was unsettling to all of us that he seemed to know our thoughts and feelings better than we did ourselves. He handed me a stun rod and we took postitions while everyone else circled round. He had a sneer on his face that both frightened and angered me. With a slight nod he indicated that it was time to commence, and like all students who had faced him before, there was the quiet understanding that I would be allowed the first blow. I leapt forward with a swift downward swing that I had learned to use to immediately put my opponent on guard as-well-as off balance. And as was the case with every such match I had witnessed I felt the sting of the camp leader’s stun rod and I found myself flat on my back with every nerve buzzing painfully, with my ears ringing and my vision a fuzzy tunnel.

“Come on you worthless runt! You can do better than that! Or are you truly as soft as your father says you are?! You aren’t good enough to lick my boots clean!”

I got to my feet, shakily, and fought to regain my focus on my opponent. I felt my anger rise at the mention of my father and I felt rise in me a red wave of hatred that I had never felt before. My limbs were strengthened by this wave, my focus precise and crystal clear, my intent focused like never before. What pain I continued to feel merely fed the Dark Power that rose. A strange grin spread across the mottled gray face of the camp leader… his yellow eyes narrowed at the sudden recognition of something. This something was a wave of power that forced its way out of my outstretched left hand, palm facing out. I could hear the sudden expulsion of air as the wave hit the camp leader squarely in the chest and sent the old warrior flying back ten feet.

I felt suddenly depleted, dropped the stun rod, and fell to my knees. The world closed around me and I felt that I would pass out; a strange guffaw, a deep belly laugh brought me to my senses. I looked up to see the camp leader, laughing as he rolled onto his hands and knees, and stayed there as he coughed and spit out blood. Soon he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and rose slowly to his feet. After a brief moment of regaining his composure he looked at me with a broad grin and said, “Well done, Morddin! I knew you had it in you! Welcome to your destiny…you have just bought your ticket on a ship to Korriban!”

I remember the nausea I felt, but I remember the growing pride more…it would of course be some time before I found myself on the red sands of Korriban, but there was no question that I would someday be there.